双城故事

 

香港名DJ 梁繼璋給兒子的信
我兒：寫這備忘錄給你，基於三個原則：

(一）人生福禍無常，誰也不知可以活多久， 有些事情還是早一點說好。

(二）我是你的父親，我不跟你說，沒有人會跟你說。

(三）這備忘錄都是我經過慘痛失敗得回來的體驗， 可以為你的成長省回不少冤枉路。

以下，便是你在人生中要好好記住的事：

（一）對你不好的人，你不要太介懷。          

在你一生中， 沒有人有義務要對你好，除了我和你媽媽。 至於那些對你好的人，你除了要珍惜、感恩外，也請多防備一點， 因為，每個人做每件事，總有一個原因，他對你好，未必真的是因為喜歡你，請你必須搞清楚， 而不必太快將對方看作真朋友。

（二）沒有人是不可代替，沒有東西是必須擁有。          

看透了這一點， 將來你身邊的人不再要你，或許失去了世間上最愛的一切時， 也應該明白，這並不是甚麼大不了的事。

（三）生命是短暫的，今日你還在浪費著生命，不知不覺生命已遠離你了。           

因此，愈早珍惜生命， 你享受生命的日子也愈多，與其盼望長壽，倒不如早點享受。

（四）世界上並沒有最愛這回事，愛情只是一種霎時的感覺。而這感覺絕對會隨時日、心境而改變。如果你的所謂最愛離開你， 請耐心地等候一下，讓時日慢慢沖洗，讓心靈慢慢沉澱，你的苦就會慢慢淡化。不要過分憧憬愛情的美，不要過分誇大失戀的悲。

（五）雖然，很多有成就的人士都沒有受過很多教育，但並不等於不用功讀書，就一定可以成功。你學到的知識，就是你擁有的武器。人，可以白手興家，但不可以手無寸鐵，緊記！

（六）我不會要求你供養我下半輩子，同樣地我也不會供養你的下半輩子，當你長大到可以獨立的時候，我的責任已經完結。以後，你要坐巴士還是Benz， 吃魚翅還是粉絲，都要自己負責。

（七）你可以要求自己守信，但不能要求別人守信。你可以要求自己對人好，但不能期待人家對你好。你怎樣對人，並不代表人家就會怎樣對你， 如果看不透這一點， 你只會徒添不必要的煩惱。

（八）我買了十多二十年六合彩，還是一窮二白，連三獎也沒有中， 這證明人要發達，還是要努力工作才可以，世界上沒有免費午餐。

（九）親人只有一次的緣份。無論這輩子我和你會相處多久，也請好好珍惜共聚的時光，下輩子，無論愛與愛，都不會再見。

 

你的爸爸    梁繼璋

 

Dear Daughter:
亲爱的女儿：

As we drove off from Columbia, I wanted to write a letter to you to tell you all that is on my mind.
当我们开车驶出哥伦比亚大学的时候，我想写一封信给你，告诉你盘旋在我脑中的想法。

 

First, I want to tell you how proud we are. Getting into Columbia is a real testament of what a great well-rounded student you are. Your academic, artistic, and social skills have truly blossomed in the last few years. Whether it is getting the highest grade in Calculus, completing your elegant fashion design, successfully selling your painted running shoes, or becoming one of the top orators in Model United Nations, you have become a talented and accomplished young woman. You should be as proud of yourself as we are.
首先，我想告诉你我们为你感到特别骄傲。进入哥伦比亚大学证明你是一个全面发展的优秀学生，你的学业、艺术和社交技能最近都有卓越的表现，无论是你高中微积分第一名，时尚的设计，绘制的球鞋，还是在“模拟联合国”的演说，你毫无疑问已经是一个多才多艺的女孩。你的父母为你感到骄傲，你也应该像我们一样为自己感到自豪。

 

I will always remember the first moment I held you in my arms. I felt a tingling sensation that directly touched my heart. It was an intoxicating feeling I will always have. It must be that “father-daughter connection” which will bind us for life. I will always remember singing you lullaby while I rocked you to sleep. When I put you down, it was always with both relief (she finally fell asleep!) and regret (wishing I could hold you longer). And I will always remember taking you to the playground, and watching you having so much fun. You were so cute and adorable, and that is why everybody loved you so.
我会永远记得第一次将你抱在臂弯的那一刻，一种新鲜激动的感觉瞬间触动了我的心，那是一种永远让我陶醉的感觉，就是那种将我们的一生都联结在一起的“父女情结”。我也常常想起我唱着催眠曲轻摇你入睡，当我把你放下的时候，常常觉得既解脱又惋惜，一方面我想，她终于睡着了！另一方面，我又多么希望自己可以多抱你一会儿。我还记得带你到运动场，看着你玩得那么开心，你是那样可爱，所有人都非常爱你。

 

You have been a great kid ever since you were born, always quiet, empathetic, attentive, and well-mannered. You were three when we built our house. I remember you quietly followed us every weekend for more than ten hours a day to get building supplies. You put up with that boring period without a fuss, happily ate hamburgers every meal in the car, sang with Barney until you fell asleep. When you went to Sunday Chinese school, you studied hard even though it was no fun for you. I cannot believe how lucky we are as parents to have a daughter like you.
你不但长得可爱，而且是个特别乖巧的孩子。你从不吵闹、为人着想，既听话又有礼貌。当你三岁我们建房子的时候，每个周末十多个小时你都静静地跟着我们去运建筑材料，三餐在车上吃着汉堡，唱着儿歌，唱累了就睡觉，一点都不娇气不抱怨。你去上周日的中文学习班时，尽管一点也不觉得有趣，却依然很努力。我们做父母的能有像你这样的女儿真的感到非常幸运。

 

You have been an excellent elder sister. Even though you two had your share of fights, the last few years you have become best friends. Your sister loves you so much, and she loves to make you laugh. She looks up to you, and sees you as her role model. As you saw when we departed, she misses you so much. And I know that you miss her just as much. There is nothing like family, and other than your parents, your sister is the one person who you can trust and confide in. She will be the one to take care of you, and the one you must take care of. There is nothing we wish more than that your sisterhood will continue to bond as you grow older, and that you will take care of each other throughout your lives. For the next four years, do have a short video chat with her every few days, and do email her when you have a chance.

你也是个很好的姐姐。虽然你们姐妹以前也会打架，但是长大后，你们真的成为了好朋友。妹妹很爱你，很喜欢逗你笑，她把你当成她的榜样看待。我们开车离开哥大后，她非常想你，我知道你也很想她。世界上最宝贵的就是家人。和父母一样，妹妹就是你最可以信任的人。随着年龄的增长，你们姐妹之间的情谊不变，你们互相照应，彼此关心，这就是我最希望见到的事情了。在你的大学四年，有空时你一定要常常跟妹妹视频聊聊天，写写电子邮件。

 

College will be the most important years in your life. It is in college that you will truly discover what learning is about. You often question “what good is this course”. I encourage you to be inquisitive, but I also want to tell you : “education is what you have left after all that is taught is forgotten”. What I mean by that is the materials taught isn’t as important as you gaining the ability to learn a new subject, and the ability to analyze a new problem. That is really what learning in college is about – this will be the period where you go from teacher-taught to master-inspired, after which you must become self-learner. So do take each subject seriously, and even if what you learn isn’t critical for your life, the skills of learning will be something you cherish forever.
大学将是你人生最重要的时光，在大学里你会发现学习的真谛。你以前经常会问到 “这个课程有什么用”，这是个好问题，但是我希望你理解：“教育的真谛就是当你忘记一切所学到的东西之后所剩下的东西。”我的意思是，最重要的不是你学到的具体的知识，而是你学习新事物和解决新问题的能力。这才是大学学习的真正意义——这将是你从被动学习转向自主学习的阶段，之后你会变成一个很好的自学者。所以，即便你所学的不是生活里所急需的，也要认真看待大学里的每一门功课，就算学习的技能你会忘记，学习的能力是你将受用终身的。

 

Do not fall into the trap of dogma. There is no single simple answer to any question. Remember during your high school debate class, I always asked you to take on the side that you don’t believe in? I did that for a reason — things rarely “black and white”, and there are always many ways to look at a problem. You will become a better problem solver if you recognized that. This is called “critical thinking”, and it is the most important thinking skill you need for your life. This also means you need to become tolerant and supportive of others. I will always remember when I went to my Ph.D. advisor and proposed a new thesis topic. He said “I don’t agree with you, but I’ll support you.” After the years, I have learned this isn’t just flexibility, it is encouragement of critical thinking, and an empowering style of leadership, and it has become a part of me. I hope it will become a part of you too.
不要被教条所束缚，任何问题都没有一个唯一的简单的答案。还记得当我帮助你高中的辩论课程时，我总是让你站在你不认可的那一方来辩论吗？我这么做的理由就是希望你能够理解：看待一个问题不应该非黑即白，而是有很多方法和角度。当你意识到这点的时候，你就会成为一个很好的解决问题者。这就是“批判的思维”——你的一生都会需要的最重要的思考方式，这也意味着你还需要包容和支持不同于你的其他观点。我永远记得我去找我的博士导师提出了一个新论题，他告诉我：“我不同意你，但我支持你。”多年后，我认识到这不仅仅是包容，而是一种批判式思考，更是令人折服的领导风格，现在这也变成了我的一部分。我希望这也能成为你的一部分。

 

Follow your passion in college. Take courses you think you will enjoy. Don’t be trapped in what others think or say. Steve Jobs says when you are in college, your passion will create many dots, and later in your life you will connect them. In his great speech given at Stanford commencement , he gave the great example where he took calligraphy, and a decade later, it became the basis of the beautiful Macintosh fonts, which later ignited desktop publishing, and brought wonderful tools like Microsoft Word to our lives. His expedition into calligraphy was a dot, and the Macintosh became the connecting line. So don’t worry too much about what job you will have, and don’t be too utilitarian, and if you like Japanese or Korean, go for it, even if your dad thinks “it’s not useful.”  Enjoy picking your dots, and be assured one day you will find your calling, and connect a beautiful curve through the dots.
在大学里你要追随自己的激情和兴趣，选你感兴趣的课程，不要困扰于别人怎么说或怎么想。史蒂夫•乔布斯曾经说过，在大学里你的热情会创造出很多点，在你随后的生命中你会把这些点串联起来。在他著名的斯坦福毕业典礼演讲中，他举了一个很好的例子：他在大学里修了看似毫无用处的书法，而十年后，这成了苹果Macintosh里漂亮字库的基础，而因为Macintosh有这么好的字库，才带来了桌面出版和今天的办公软件（例如微软Office）。他对书法的探索就是一个点，而苹果Macintosh把多个点联结成了一条线。所以不要太担心将来你要做什么样的工作，也不要太急功近利。假如你喜欢日语或韩语，就去学吧，尽管你的爸爸曾说过那没什么用 。尽兴地选择你的点吧，要有信念有一天机缘来临时，你会找到自己的人生使命，画出一条美丽的曲线。

 

Do your best in classes, but don’t let pressure get to you. Your mother and I have no expectations for your grades. If you graduate and learn something in your four years, we would feel happy. Your Columbia degree will take you far, even if you don’t graduate with honors. So please don’t give yourself pressure。During your last few months in high school, you were so happy because there was little pressure and college applications are finished. But in the past few weeks, we saw you are beginning to worry (did you know you bite your nails when you are nervous?). Please don’t be worried. The only thing that matters is that you learned. The only metric you should use is that you tried. Grades are just silly letters that give the vain people something to brag, and the lazy people something to fear. You are too good to be either.
在功课上要尽力，但不要给自己太多压力。你妈妈和我在成绩上对你没什么要求，只要你能顺利毕业并在这四年里学到了些东西，我们就会很高兴了。即便你毕业时没有获得优异的成绩，你的哥伦比亚学位也将带你走得很远。所以别给自己压力。在你高中生活的最后几个月，因为压力比较小，大学申请也结束了，你过得很开心，但是在最近的几个星期，你好像开始紧张起来。（你注意到你紧张时会咬指甲吗？）千万别担心，最重要的是你有在学习，你需要的唯一衡量是你的努力程度。成绩只不过是虚荣的人用以吹嘘和慵懒的人所恐惧的无聊数字而已，而你既不虚荣也不慵懒。

 

Most importantly, make friends and be happy. College friends are often the best in life, because during college you are closer to them physically than to your family. Also, going through independence and adulthood is a natural bonding experience. Pick a few friends and become really close to them – pick the ones who are genuine and sincere to you. Don’t worry about their hobbies, grades, looks, or even personalities. You have developed some real friendships in high school in your last two years, so trust your instinct, and make new friends. You are a genuine and sincere person – anyone would enjoy being your friend, so be confident, outgoing, and pro-active. If you think you like someone, tell her. You have very little to lose. Give people the benefit of the doubt; don’t stereotype and be forgiving. People are not perfect, so as long as they are genuine and sincere, trust them and be good to them. They will give back. This is my secret of success – that I am genuine with people and trust them (unless they do something to lose my trust). Some people tell me that occasionally I would be taken advantage of. They are right, but I can tell you that that loss is nothing compared to what I gained. In my last 18 years leading people, I have realized that only one thing matters – to gain the trust and respect of others, and to do so, you need to trust and respect others first. Whether it is for management, work, or friendship, this is something you should ponder.
最重要的是在大学里你要交一些朋友，快乐生活。大学的朋友往往是生命中最好的朋友，因为在大学里你和朋友能够近距离交往。另外，在一块儿成长，一起独立，很自然地你们就会紧紧地系在一起，成为密友。你应该挑选一些真诚诚恳的朋友，跟他们亲近，别在乎他们的爱好、成绩、外表甚至性格。你在高中的最后两年已经交到了一些真正的朋友，所以尽可以相信自己的直觉，再交一些新朋友吧。你是一个真诚的人，任何人都会喜欢跟你做朋友的，所以要自信、外向、主动一点，如果你喜欢某人，就告诉她，就算她拒绝了，你也没有损失什么。以最大的善意去对人，不要有成见，要宽容。人无完人，只要他们很真诚，就信任他们，对他们友善。他们将给你相同的回报，这是我成功的秘密——我以诚待人，信任他人（除非他们做了失信于我的事）。有人告诉这样有时我会被占便宜，他们是对的，但是我可以告诉你：以诚待人让我得到的远远超过我失去的。在我做管理的18年里，我学到一件很重要的事——要想得到他人的信任和尊重，只有先去信任和尊重他人。无论是管理、工作、交友，这点都值得你参考。

 

Do keep your high school friends, and stay connected to them, but do not use them as substitutes for college friendship, and do not spend too much time with them, because that would eat into your time to make new friends.
要和你高中时代的朋友保持联系，但是不要用他们来取代大学的友谊，也不要把全部的时间都花在老朋友身上，因为那样你就会失去交新朋友的机会了。

 

Start planning for your summers early – what would you like to do? Where would you like to live? What would you like to learn? What have you learned in college that might change your mind? I think your plan of studying fashion is good, and you should decide where you want to be, and get into the right courses. We of course hope you come back to Beijing, but you should go where you think is best for you.
你还要早点开始规划你的暑假——你想做什么？你想呆在哪儿？你想学点什么？你在大学里学习是否会让你有新的打算？我觉得你学习艺术设计的计划很不错，你应该想好你该去哪儿学习相应的课程。我们当然希望你回到北京，但是最终的决定是你的。

 

Whether it is summer-planning, or coursework planning, or picking a major, or managing your time, you should take control of your life. In the past, I have helped you quite a bit, whether it is in college application, designing your extracurricular activities, or picking the initial coursework. I will always be there for you, but the time has come for you to be in the driver’s seat – this is your life, and you need to be in control. I will always remember the exhilarating feeling in my life – that I got to decide to skip kindergarten, that I got to decide to change to computer science major, that I got to decide to leave academia for Apple, that I got to decide to go to China, that I got to decide to go to Google, and most recently, that I got to decide to start my own business. Being able to decide means you get to live the life that you want to. Life is too short to live the life others do or others want you. Being in control feels great. Try it, and you’ll love it!
不管是暑假计划，功课规划，抑或是选专业，管理时间，你都应该负责你的人生。过去不管是申请学校、设计课外活动或者选择最初的课程，我都从旁帮助了你不少。以后，我仍然会一直站你身旁，但是现在是你自己掌舵的时候了。我常常记起我生命中那些令人振奋的时刻——在幼儿园决定跳级，决定转到计算机科学专业，决定离开学术界选择Apple，决定回中国，决定选择Google，乃至最近选择创办我的新公司。有能力进行选择意味着你会过上自己想要的生活。生命太短暂了，你不能过别人想要你过的生活。掌控自己的生命是很棒的感觉，试试吧，你会爱上它的！

 

I told your mom I’m writing this letter, and asked what she wanted me to say. She thought and said: “just ask her to take care of herself.” Simple but deeply caring – that is how your mother is, and that is why you love her so much. In this simple sentence is her hope that you will become independent in the way you take care of yourself – that you will remember to take your medicine, that you will get enough sleep, that you will have a balanced diet, that you will get some exercise, and that you will go see a doctor whenever you don’t feel good. An ancient Chinese proverb says that the most important thing to be nice to your parents is to take care of yourself. This is because your parents love you so much, and that if you are well, they will have comfort. You will understand this one day when you become a mother. But in the meantime, please listen to your mother and take care of yourself.
我告诉你妈妈我在写这封信，问她有什么想对你说的，她想了想，说“让她好好照顾自己”，很简单却饱含着真切的关心——这一向是你深爱的妈妈的特点。这短短的一句话，是她想提醒你很多事情，比如要记得自己按时吃药，好好睡觉，保持健康的饮食，适量运动，不舒服的时候要去看医生等等。中国有句古语，说“身体发肤，受之父母，不敢毁伤，孝之始也”。这句话的意思用比较新的方法诠释就是说：父母最爱的就是你，所以照顾好自己就是孝顺最好的方法。当你成为母亲的那天，你就会理解这些。在那天之前，听妈妈的，你一定要好好照顾自己。

 

College is the four years where you have:
• the greatest amount of free time
• the first chance to be independent
• the most flexibility to change
• the lowest risk for making mistakes
So please treasure your college years – make the best of your free time, become an independent thinker in control of your destiny, evolve yourself into a bi-cultural talent, be bold to experiment, learn and grow through your successes and challenges.
大学是你自由时间最多的四年。
大学是你第一次学会独立的四年。
大学是可塑性最强的四年。
大学是犯错代价最低的四年。
所以，珍惜你的大学时光吧，好好利用你的空闲时间，成为掌握自己命运的独立思考者，发展自己的多元化才能，大胆地去尝试，通过不断的成功和挑战来学习和成长，成为融汇中西的人才。

 

When I faced the greatest challenge and opportunity in my life in 2005, you gave me a big hug and said “bonne chance”, which means “good luck” and “good courage”. Now I do the same for you. Bonne chance, my angel and princess. May Columbia become the happiest four years in your life, and may you blossom into just what you dream to be.
当我在2005年面对人生最大的挑战时，你给了我大大的拥抱，还跟我说了一句法语“bonne chance”。这句话代表“祝你勇敢，祝你好运！”现在，我也想跟你说同样的话，bonne chance，我的天使和公主，希望哥伦比亚成为你一生中最快乐的四年，希望你成为你梦想成为的人！

 

Love,
Dad (& Mom)
爱你的，
爸爸（和妈妈）

 

 

最近疲于应对的节目，叶莺最后的应允简直犹如神来之手，一下子将我蔫蔫的颓势扭转过来。而且大将出马就是不一样，气势压倒一切！

然后就是接连得到的喜讯。

先是我们家女人1119日正式通知领证，话说这个事情此前我们纠结了很久，一度以为是明年春天的事情了，可就这么突然来了，感觉就像是sex and the city电影版的结局一样，突然，简单而美好。

紧接着小L通知在同一天领证廖，这条消息只能用震惊来形容，因为此前我没有获得任何关于此男的消息，他就这么出现了，而且如此轻而易举的娶走了我们如此激情强势的小L，据新娘子所言，温柔体贴又爱好广泛，是不可多得的好人儿。

又听闻可人学妹JINYING的婚事将近，这我已经没有什么好大惊小怪的了。

然后是乐乐说移民加拿大的事宜，明年春天或许就要见分晓，紧接着，结婚也就是眼前的事情了。

至于薛薛的孕事，杨杨的婚事，菲菲的婚事。。。都在冬日来临的日子里陆续听到。

 

而对于我，最好的消息是，z同学阔别家乡三年，12月17日的飞机终于要落地上海啦！

以前跟的一个姐姐，爱好特广泛，上山下海的不停歇，而且凡事还特着急，想到个天大的事情也恨不得立马就做下来。口头禅是：来不及了。我问她，这么急干什么啊，日子长着呢，怎么会来不及呢？她告诉我，她的父母是名校教授，从小接受最正统的教育，但偏偏长成放纵不羁的叛逆少女。直到母亲在一次实验室事故爆炸中突然过世。从那一天起，她突然意识到生活中随时都有可能没有明天甚至没有下一刻。唯一能做的，只有珍惜眼前。

 

过去的一年，我总感觉自己在狂奔中精疲力竭，在狂奔中失去方向。我时时刻刻在问自己，到底想做什么，到底能做什么？来不及来不及来不及到底怎么办？不仅对工作对感情也对自己的人生。因为我时常觉得害怕，害怕幸福还未到来，我却没有明天。

 

可是此刻，我却真的想停下来了。我歇斯底里地想要向前向前再向前迈进一步，迫不及待地想要改变改变改变再改变一点，但是真的前进了吗？改变了吗？除了给周围的人压力，我又真正得到了什么？

 

如果没有明天，也还是让今天安静的过去吧。

每次来西雅图看到雪山就很激动。（每天能看到雪山的人是不能理解我们这样的情绪的！当然我们每天可以看到人山人海，哼！）所以这次来之前，便心心念念要去爬雪山。

盼了一个星期，Z同学终于请了一天假，周末带我去爬雪山。结果GPS上错把national bank 看成了park，所以开到了一个完全不知道是什么地方的地方，到了看不到bank的目的地才醒悟过来，已经绕了一个很大的圈子。在加上出发前去买蛋糕的时候（已经是十一点了），我突然很想吃牛肉面，（某人也很想吃，顺便找了一个台阶下）于是我们成了某中国餐厅当日的第一对客人，等我们一番折腾到达山上的时候太阳都快下山了。

而且当日天气预报说是晴天。前几日天气预报说晴它就晴，说雨它就雨，我还暗自感叹说美帝国主义的天气预报真准啊，结果真轮到要出门了，一早就阴沉沉的，一会儿晴一会儿雨，我一路上都在问一个问题：雪山在哪儿？要知道天气好的时候，在西雅图地区随便抬头就能到这个像富士山的雪山，可是这次来了十多天，我愣没有看到他俊美的身影哪。

等一路山路绕上山顶我们要入住的paradise inn，我还是没有看到雪山。这个一百多年前的小旅馆其实就是雪山脚下，可是厚厚的云层完全把雪山包起来了。不过好在小旅馆很有感觉，但是房间超小，暖风机超级响又不制热。我关心制热是因为这里实在实在太冷了，（10月5号这个旅馆就要进入季节性关门了）我们出门想来耍一下的时候，居然下雪了！Z同学发现快没油了，GPS找了一下，最近的一个加油站也在遥远的山下公园外，于是我们又一路绕着开去加油。。。。。。（真的TMD很远，远到开回去的时候，我很担心到了山顶又没油了）

回到山顶，天都黑了，迷雾重重。只有我们一家旅馆发出微弱的灯光。这样的场景，怎么说呢，心智健康积极乐观的人大概会觉得很温馨吧，但我满脑子都是侦探小说里的密室杀人案，被暴风雪封住的小旅馆，凶杀案接二连三的发生。。。

当然，什么都没有发生，我们在旅馆的大餐厅吃了饭，东西很难吃，但是感觉还不错。吃完晚饭，迷雾已经伸手不见五指了，某人不知死活的非要开车出去转，终于绕着停车场转了一个圈之后被另一个深明大义的人给严厉阻止了，于是我们回房间裹着被子玩大富翁了。

接下来的事情就不表了，因为某人依靠资本主义卑鄙的手段赢掉了我辛辛苦苦赚来的所有的钱，不过就在我翻脸拒绝他的险恶用心的援助计划之后，他却给我了一个大大的surprise。（具体什么surprise，暂时保密！）反正我们资本主义社会主义握手言和甜甜蜜蜜共话和谐未来了哈。

第二日早晨，我迷迷糊糊醒过来拉开窗帘一看，哇，金色的雪山顶，就在我们旅馆上面，外面白白的一层积雪，我推Z同学起来看，他瞄了一眼就继续睡了。我想雪山就在外面也跑不掉，而且外面肯定很冷，于是也翻身睡了。

最后的结局不说你也可以知道：那一眼金色的雪山啊，是我此行唯一看到的一眼雪山。